Twilight Out of Focus

Episode 7

Something is reassuring about the way Jin and Ichikawa are always exactly themselves. That doesn't mean that they're one-note characters; both boys have multiple aspects of their personalities that come out at different times, just like most real people do. Ichikawa is prickly and sweet by turns, while Jin's movie star looks hide a gaping trench of insecurities. But both of them are comfortable showing all sides of themselves to each other. Although this episode doesn't shy away from the physical attraction and lust that also make up their relationship, the real draw is how they come to get to know each other on more than a surface level.

It's also clear that, although they've matured, they haven't changed their basic selves since they first met as elementary school kids. Little Ichikawa sobbing over how he missed out on winning an Academy Award for his first film because he won a stupid kiddie prize instead is so him that it almost feels like a parody of itself. But if you think about it, we've probably all known that one self-important little kid who was convinced that adults had nothing on them, only to be brought down to reality with a harsh truth. For Ichikawa, that truth may have simply been that no grownups would take his work seriously, but no matter what it was, it just crushed him. Jin, who tells us that he's always been a people pleaser, seems to have been flummoxed by Ichikawa's reaction to winning first place. It never occurred to him that he could do something just for himself; even his second prize entry was based on his family's gyoza business rather than a passion project like Ichikawa's. Their initial meeting set the stage for how they would go on: with Ichikawa helping Jin to discover new things about himself.

There's something nice about the fact that Ichikawa only has himself to blame for Jin getting into the film. Not because it's a nice irony, but because it helps him to look outside himself. Although I wouldn't necessarily call Ichikawa self-centered, he does tend to allow his passions to overwhelm everyone else's ideas; the whole idea of making a BL film is a good example. But in watching Jin's work and the films he creates, Ichikawa finds a new way of looking at things. He may not like Jin's work (although I'm not sure that's strictly true), but some small piece of him may wish that he created them. They surprisingly have complimentary personalities, with Jin seeming to be the only person who can truly break through Ichikawa's school self. We see it when they're sitting on the stairs: as Jin talks and tries to figure out Ichikawa's feelings, the latter pulls the elastic out of his hair. Shortly after that, he's able to voice his own emotions, and that's because he is comfortable and safe enough with Jin to become his more vulnerable home self.

There's more of a bittersweetness to this romance because we know that Jin is graduating. Ichikawa is left feeling torn on two fronts: his boyfriend is leaving, but so is his chief rival in the film club. I don't doubt that Jin will make sure to keep in touch, even when Ichikawa simply moves back out of the dorm. But that's Ichikawa's insecurity coming to the fore: more than anything, he's afraid of losing Jin. He may not have to worry, but simply knowing that he can, may be the greatest reassurance for this storyline we could ask for.

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Twilight Out of Focus is currently streaming on Crunchyroll.