Senpai is an Otokonoko

Episode 9

No person is an island, and nobody, no matter how resolute they seem to be, can handle everything alone. That's especially true for teenagers, who are volatile canisters of emotional rocket fuel just waiting to be ignited at the best of times. So it's no surprise that after weeks of pretending to be alright with her ailing grandmother and emotionally checked-out dad, she finally breaks. I wasn't expecting that break to come from a chance almost-encounter with her mom, but Senpai is an Otokonoko knows how to twist the knife with precision timing for maximum pain, so of course it would.

It also makes it that much more cathartic when somebody finally recognizes that pain, and gives her the basic human compassion she so desperately needs. Like yes, somebody who doesn't rationalize it by saying, “well I guess if you're fine”and instead just gives this obviously suffering child some genuine support. Whether what Makoto feels for Saki in that moment is romance, friendship, or something in-between doesn't even really matter. Sometimes we all just need to know we're not alone in this world, and whether it's a hug, a kind gesture, or a warm bowl of soup when you're three days deep into a bout of stomach virus, even the smallest act can feel monumental. I like, too, that it's not just Makoto. Even as Ryuji's dealing with some very conflicted feelings, he takes the initiative in planning their group trip to see the meteor show, assuring Saki that she's got people in her life who will be there for her.

Speaking of those conflicted feelings: Ohhhhh, Ryuji. Even when he's dating the person he's been in love with for who-knows-how-long, he can't get over that internalized homophobia. Granted, he's getting a lot of mixed signals from Makoto, but there are any number of reasons for that besides “he must be grossed out to be touched by a boy.” For one, Makoto might be more comfortable giving physical contact rather than receiving it – I know plenty of people in my life who love to give hugs and other touches but are overwhelmed to receive them unprompted. It could just be that Makoto considers a hug from his boyfriend way more intense than hugging a friend, and he needs some time to psych himself up for something that intimate. Yet Ryuji can't help but jump to the harshest conclusion, and insist they break up because Makoto will just never ever love him the same way he does. It's a quintessentially teenage move, and while sad to see happen, my hope is that it prompts these two to have a real discussion about their individual insecurities, rather than allowing Ryuji to sulk off into his own head the way Saki did for the past few episodes.

Makoto , meanwhile, is pulling the same mistakes he did at the start of the show; sublimating his own needs for the sake of others. He wants to be a support pillar for Saki and a proper boyfriend for Ryuji, but without rocking the boat by actually addressing his own feelings. That's a recipe for disaster with these three, and I can only hope somebody manages to pull out of the collision before things get nasty. In the meantime, at least, this is exactly the episode I was hoping for after weeks of buildup.

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Senpai is an Otokonoko is currently streaming on Crunchyroll.