Sasaki and Miyano

Episode 4

Despite being such a small boy, Miyano sure is a big old god damn mess, ain't he? We've seen bits and pieces of his baggage before this, but after overhearing Sasaki's nap-time confession, the simmering mass of insecurity and confusion comes boiling over the rim this episode. As is typical of the show, it's never too heavy, and there are plenty of cute faces and soft punchlines to keep things pleasant, but at its heart this entire episode is about Miyano struggling with his internalized shame over his own masculinity.

Like I said, we've seen bits of this before. Miyano loves BL manga, but is extremely bashful about showing any of it to others. He embraces his fudanshi identity in private, but squirms when somebody outside his immediate friend group brings it up. Even back in episode one he had that panicked “Ju-just because I read BL doesn't mean I like, swing that way. I definitely don't..n-not that there's anything wrong with that. Ahahaha.” moment. In this episode, we learn that he's also got some hangups about his body, with his short frame and cute face making him look (gasp) girly. All together it paints the picture of a kid who's insecure about who he is and what he enjoys, in stark contrast to Sasaki's comfortable self-assurance.

Knowing all that, it makes sense to me that Miyano at first tries his hardest to deny his own attraction. I know from experience that a lot of teenage boys are constantly terrified of not being “real” men; of seeming too passive or not expressing themselves in an appropriately “manly” way, or even just wearing the wrong kind of clothing. I have a vivid memory of 14-year-old me getting unreasonably upset when somebody implied that Tamora Pierce books were “for girls” at lunch. And for someone like Miyano, who's already short and slight and “cute” rather than “handsome,” it makes sense that he'd cling to what few pieces of traditional masculinity he can lay claim to. He crushed on a girl in middle school, so that means he likes girls, right? Because if you had romantic feelings for a girl that means you can't be into men too, right? Right??? It's a typically immature reaction, but one that's also relatable. Internalized, restrictive views of masculinity (and sexuality) are a hell of a lot to untangle, let alone trying to do it in the confines of high school.

So I can't decide if it's fitting or ironic that Miyano makes a minor breakthrough by talking to Ogasawara of all people. The blue-tinted boy himself continues to be one of Those Guys about anything girly or gay, but I'm nonetheless tickled by the portrait being painted of him and his girlfriend. And the lesson he takes from Miyano—that his girlfriend being into BL and “delinquent ukes” doesn't mean she's trying to secretly push him into that role—is a solid one. What we enjoy in romance fiction or porn isn't necessarily indicative of what we want in an actual relationship, and indulging in those fantasies through fiction doesn't mean we're masking some secret desire. But in the brain of an insecure teenager, it's way more likely that his girlfriend is secretly grooming him to become a brooding bottom for some kinky voyeurism scheme.

Seeing such a blatantly silly idea articulated, however, seems to help Miyano take a more grounded perspective on his own feelings, and start to maybe, just maybe, consider the possibility of being into dudes. It's a baby step, but in this show that's the same as a character setting foot on the moon for how much relative progress it portends. With that particular hurdle conquered, I'm interested to see how these two will progress next week.

Finally, here's this week's Cute Shit bulletin: Sasaki getting so worked up about that accidental kabedon that he immediately has to go home. Sasaki ever so delicately palming the sakura petal that got caught in Miyano's hair. And in a rare non-SasaMiya entry, Ogasawara trying to snoop on his girlfriend's manga collection and stumbling onto her slime-monster porn. OK that one's more funny than cute, but only because the exact same thing has happened to a friend of mine, down to the slime.

Rating:

Sasaki and Miyano is currently streaming on Funimation.