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The Two Anime Contests

this story is about my mother, for one. and secondly, it is a few shorter stories about random crazy things that she does.

Story #1:
a couple years ago, i'm talking to a friend while playing some Starcraft. Then I hear my mother yelling some stupid crap.
"What are you yelling about," I ask.
"I made a bologna sandwich, except I forgot to put the bologna on it. I didn't even realize until I ate half of the sandwich," she replied.
I think that speaks for itself, so I'm going to end story #1

Story #2:
A few months ago, I'm talking to a friend (see a pattern?) and my mom walks in my room with a jar of sauce. She then holds out the jar of sauce and stares at me.
"What do you want me to do with this?" I ask.
"You know, don't be an asshole!" she rudely replied.
"No, I really don't," I said.
"Ughh, shove it up your ass, what do you think I want you do do with it?" She tells me.
"I seriously don't know!"
Then she storms out of my room. I still don't know what she wanted to this day...

Story #3:
A few days ago, a friend and I were watching Cowboy Bebop. We had gotten some pizza and breadsticks, but we didn't finish them because they were pretty crappy (damn dominoes!). so my mom comes home, and sees the box of breadsticks on the ground. She then mistakes them for cinna-sticks (in case for some random reason, you don't know what they are, they are basically breadsticks with cinnamon instead of garlic and butter).
"OHH! CINNASTICKS!" she exclaims as if she had seen the holy grail of food products. "which one of you not-so-nice-people put [tomato] sauce on one of them?"
"oh, that was me. it was pretty good" I say, as me and my friend could barely keep from laughing hysterically.
She then grabs the box and heads out to the kitchen. a few minutes later we hear:
"hey, these cinna-sticks are burnt!"
followed by the sound of the microwave going. apparently, to remedy burnt cinna-sticks, you put them in the microwave. anyhow, about five minutes later, we hear this:
"HEY!! These aren't cinna-sticks!"
at which point, me and my friend laughed uncontrollably. then my mother told me not to lie like that.

Story #4 (yea, this is the last one):
last night me and a couple friends were watching the first volume of Rurouni Kenshin. my friends were joking around about me being heir servant and how i should get them a drink (because i had made dinner and brought it out to them earlier, which is compared to my normal "you guys can starve for all I care"). at the end of the first episode, I questioned why the show was titled Rurouni if his name was Himura? I then suggested that maybe Rurouni meant something like 'wanderer' in japanese. then one of my friends says:
"You know what? Rurouni means 'get me a drink'. so go get me a drink damnit"
and they continue joking around. several minutes later, my mother screams:
"GET OFF YOUR ASS AND GET THEM A DRINK!!!"
which was odd seeing as how she [irrationally] hates my friends. it made for a good laugh though.

so there you have it. four lame-ass stories about my mother doing random, non-sense making things. please excuse my fluctuating grammar.

Story #2:
A few months ago, I'm talking to a friend (see a pattern?) and my mom walks in my room with a jar of sauce. She then holds out the jar of sauce and stares at me.
"What do you want me to do with this?" I ask.
"You know, don't be an not-so-nice-person!" she rudely replied.
"No, I really don't," I said.
"Ughh, shove it up your ass, what do you think I want you do do with it?" She tells me.
"I seriously don't know!"
Then she storms out of my room. I still don't know what she wanted to this day...

here is my legendary set of stories about my legendary (horrible word choice) mother

Story #2:
A few months ago, I'm talking to a friend (see a pattern?) and my mom walks in my room with a jar of sauce. She then holds out the jar of sauce and stares at me.
"What do you want me to do with this?" I ask.
"You know, don't be an not-so-nice-person!" she rudely replied.
"No, I really don't," I said.
"Ughh, shove it up your ass, what do you think I want you do do with it?" She tells me.
"I seriously don't know!"
Then she storms out of my room. I still don't know what she wanted to this day...

Don't you hate it when your mother screams at you and tries to punish you for mouthing off to her in a dream?

I hope I'm not the only one.