The X Button

Winds of Hate

In lieu of a standard review of Ninja Studio's Windy X Windam, this column presents a hypothetical transcription of a conversation that I believe must have taken place in the offices of the game's publisher.

So you've got an idea for a game, is that it? I'm listening.

Well, it's a fighting game. It's called Windy X Windam, and it's…

On the DS. We'll make it for the DS.

I was actually thinking we could make it for…uh, maybe the PSP. Or it could be a downloadable title for…

No. The DS. We have to. Too expensive for anything else. DS is perfect. We can make it look like a game from 1994 and no one will care. God, I love that thing.

But the DS really isn't a good place for a fighting game. I mean, it has two screens on top of each other, and a typical fighting game has a lot of horizontal movement, where characters go back and forth.

Well, make it so the fights are two screens high, then. Maybe the characters can jump or fly. You tell me.

They can jump high and dash through the air?

Sure, why not? It's your game. Who's in it?

Well, I wanted to go against the usual stereotypes and…

Kid with a sword. There's your hero. And there's a big guy, a girl with huge boobs, and a girl with smaller boobs and a bow and arrow.

But every fighting game has those.

Every successful fighting game, you mean. What, you want this to be weird, like that Guilty Gear thing? That was big, wasn't it? Fine, put in a vampire guy, another guy who's basically a crazy blob with a mask, and a boy who looks like a girl nun. Yeah, that's the ticket. He wears hot pants and a tie with no shirt. And his stage is a nursery full of giant toys.

That's creepy.

It's moe is what it is.

What's moe?

Hell if I know, but every game's got it nowadays. You know what else this game needs? Crossover characters. Who's the biggest guest star we can throw in without having to pay anyone?

Well, there's Izuna.

Who?

She was in two of her own dungeon-hack games and Rondo of Swords. You know, she's a lazy, spunky ninja-girl with pink hair and goggles that look like cat ears.

Yeah, I remember her. She has a huge rack, doesn't she?

Well, I suppose. Some of the humor in the games is…

She's in. Put in her friend, too.

Shino?

Yeah, the one with the smaller rack. The moe crowd loves that.

Why don't we just make a fighting game with the rest of the Izuna characters? They're more entertaining than….uh, kid with a sword.

Pfft. Look at every game on the racks at Sofmap. There's either a kid with a sword or a third-grade girl with giant watery fried-egg eyes. This game needs both of 'em.

Well, as for the storyline…

I'm way ahead of you: there's a big tournament, and all of these fighters are part of it. Yeah. They're fighting for different reasons, and they all talk before each match.

Maybe we should write a script.

Nah, just have a few lines before each match. Keep it short and simple. Don't want to confuse anyone. And I want only two attack buttons in this. None of that six-button Street Fighter crap.

About the gameplay…

What? It's a fighting game. Two clods hit each other until one falls over. Beautiful.

Maybe the characters could change outfits when they do their special attacks. Maybe we could pull off something like Treasure's Bleach fighters. You know, where four people can fight at once.

Whatever. When can you finish this?

Uh, we've never really made a fighting game before, outside of a few ports. We'll need to test out a game engine with a combo system and implement the mid-air moves. I was thinking…

Let's say the start of next month.

We can't put together a good game by then! Especially not one with, you know, aerial fighting and dashing. It'll be a mess! The controls will be terrible and the computer-controlled opponents will be pushovers. We won't have time to put in a four-player mode or any interesting options.

So? It'll have that ninja girl, Titsy McHooterhams or whatever her name is. Just show her cleavage. All over the place.

Her outfit really doesn't…

No, no. She's gotta show it off. All the time, every time. And make sure the characters are big enough to show that.

But what if they crowd the screen and make the game even more awkward?

Big deal. Oh, and don't make that ninja girl playable from the start. Make the suckers finish the game to unlock her. And make them finish it again to unlock her friend. You like that? It's your game, after all.

That doesn't sound very fun.

Like they care? Most of them will buy it, watch Jiggles Boobington jump around a little, and then sell it back to the store before the price drops. Welcome to Japan's game industry, kid.

Do you think we could release this overseas? Some people liked what Atlus did with the Izuna games.

Atlus? Eh, I hope they don't pick it up. We want a smaller American company that slips this out the door without anyone noticing.

What?! Why?

So all the collector types will think it's going to be rare. C'mon, why else would anyone buy it?

Because it has…I mean…oh.

Exactly.

Arc Rise Fantasia has fairly good credentials, we must admit. It's directed by Hiroyuki Kanemaru, who's worked on RPGs since the 16-bit era, with his most prominent contributions made to Namco's Tales of Symphonia. It's also sporting character art by Kenichi Yoshida, who many anime fans will recognize from Eureka Seven and Overman King Gainer. And it's the first major console RPG from imageepoch, the developer of DS-based RPGs like Luminous Arc, 7th Dragon, and Sands of Destruction. Openly appealing to old-fashioned RPG templates, Fantasia starts with a grumbling mercenary kid named L'Arc Bright Lagoon fighting a flock of dragons and not coming out of it well. He's saved by the Mysterious Powers of a sweetly clueless girl named Ryfia, and the two of them are soon launched into conspiracies and conflict, some of which involve the Meridian Empire's use of a seemingly limitless power source. The battle system also reflects a traditional menu-driven approach instead of the up-close combat of the Tales series, though it's governed by fast-paced turns and team-up attacks. Unfortunately, the early press about Arc Rise Fantasia's U.S. release has centered on the voice acting, and…well, it's not good. But that's another staple of old RPGs: sitting through a lousy dub. Besides, early impressions might be irrelevant, as some people are reporting that the game's already out in stores.
Get Excited If: You want Wii RPGs so badly you even played Valhalla Knights: Eldar Saga.

BlazBlue: Continuum Shift fits conveniently next to Super Street Fighter IV, as they're both upgrades to last year's biggest fighting games. Yet Continuum Shift limits itself to four new characters at first: there's the overcoat-wearing, sword-wielding Tsubaki Yayoi, the besuited Hazama, and two new robot girls named Λ-11 and μ-12. The game's engine also saw some refinements, including new rules about guard-breaking, blocking, and Astral Heat moves. The truly interesting (and controversial) angle comes with the game's extra three characters, all of whom will become available for download a week or so after the game's release. The tonfa-wielding squirrel-girl Makoto, the werewolf butler Valkenhayn, and the magical-girl Platina the Trinity will all cost about eight bucks apiece, judging by the Japanese version. Of course, you don't have to buy them, and you can just enjoy the energetic, bizarre anime excess of BlazBlue without squirrel tails or butlers.
Get Excited If: You've already picked out the squirrel girl as your new main. Or if you understand what “main” means in fighting-game parlance.