Twilight Out of Focus

Episode 4

Mao is almost certainly Hisashi's first healthy relationship. That feels more important than the fact that Hisashi is Mao's first relationship at all; Mao has always filtered his ideas of romance through the lens of film, which feels more typical of romance anime (and manga) than Hisashi's story. We learned before that Hisashi was sexually abused by his stepsister and first "boyfriend," who was also his middle school teacher, and the events of this episode show him carefully feeling his way through his relationship with Mao. It's nothing huge, but the little details are important, probably the most significant when he asks Mao where his phone is. Mao answers (it's on his desk), but he then thinks about how Hisashi always kept his phone with him, forgoing sleep to keep checking for messages from, presumably, his teacher-boyfriend. As a small remark and a habit, this lets us know just how insecure Hisashi felt. He was afraid to miss a message or a call, using his phone like a talisman to prove to himself that he hadn't been forgotten while also demonstrating to his boyfriend that he was always available. This speaks of Hisashi's fear of being left or blamed, the same way he was by his mother for his stepsister's actions.

How does this affect his behavior with Mao? I think it's fair to say that all of his little glances and reassurances during filming are him trying to let Mao know that he's being true to him, but how he always wants to touch the other boy also feels significant. Yes, teenage hormones and all that – they clearly have an active sex life – but most of the casual touches are more cozy. Holding Mao turns sexual, but the initial scenes of cuddles appear to be about comfort – resting his head on Mao's lap or hugging him. When Hisashi holds Mao, it's always tight, as if that's the easiest way for him to express his emotions. He comes close to verbally admitting how much he cares (the comment about wanting Mao to watch him act, for example, or how he'd rather be in the drama club because it removes the barrier of the camera), but his truth is nonverbal, spoken in the language of touch.

Mao himself seems to be a little bit at sea. He fully admits that all of his ideas about love and romance (and probably sex) come from movies, and that's probably not the best form of research if you're looking for accuracy. He's working on just living his relationship, but he can't help comparing it to film, even as he recognizes that fiction isn't always a good gauge of reality. Although he gets most of the internal monologue in the show, or maybe because of it, he feels like the less interesting half of the couple, although that's hardly a fair thing to say. Mao is more comfortable – with himself, his passions, everything, especially once he figures out his feelings for his roommate. Hisashi keeps things in, so we're forced to dig for his character development.

We're about to move away from them, though. As the post-credits "4.5" episode shows, the story will shift to a new couple, which is in keeping with the source material. (There will be three couples total.) Ichikawa is clearly one half of the new pair, and he's likely to shift this more into "romantic comedy" territory, as opposed to the plain old "romance" it's been thus far.

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Twilight Out of Focus is currently streaming on Crunchyroll.