Senpai is an Otokonoko

Episode 7

There's a lot of awful garbage that comes with being queer in a heteronormative society, but perhaps the most pernicious is how it can push already isolated people to hide themselves even further. In a conformist world, it can be terrifying to stick out, especially when you're a kid trying to find your own identity amid all the other chaos of puberty. It can make people think they need to hide who they are and deny a part of themselves for no reason other than that people will look at them differently. So queer people mask their personalities – they present as traditionally masculine or feminine as they think they're supposed to. They go along with homophobic jokes and mockery to avoid becoming its target. Sometimes, like Ryuji and Makoto, they start believing that loving someone or being loved is shameful.

That internalized shame is captured in ways that make this episode, at many points, difficult to watch. Even as Senpai is an Otokonoko's soft visuals try their hardest to assure us that these kids will eventually be alright, it still hurts to see Ryuji desperately trying to reject his love for Makoto because he's convinced his feelings will only be more of a burden on his friend. It's heart-wrenching that Makoto's first thought upon realizing Ryuji's feelings is to say, "It's my fault" – as if falling in love with him is a horrible mistake that he has to ward his friend away from. These kids are only doing what everyone around them does, yet they're convinced that their feelings are a poison that must never meet the open air.

What especially sticks out is that none of these kids have any adults they can talk to. Makoto has one understanding parent but must hide everything from the other. It's unclear what Ryuji's parents would think of any of this, but he's made no mention of asking them for any advice. Most of all, there's no sign of any adult queer folks who could offer guidance, sympathetic perspective, or even just exist as proof that it's possible to be openly LGBT at all. These kids are left alone, trying to piece together information about their place in the world through Google searches and whatever examples they can find through mass media, so it's little wonder they end up with unhealthy ideas about themselves.

This makes it all the sweeter when Makoto takes the chance to reach out and accept Ryuji's feelings. Now, I don't know how long these two will last as a couple, or even if Makoto is attracted to men at all – but that's ultimately secondary to what his requital signifies. It shows Ryuji that his love isn't gross or an impediment, and it means Makoto is, just maybe, ready to accept that he can be loved without ruining his partner's life. It's an incredibly cathartic moment after weeks of these two eating themselves from the inside.

My one complaint is that, with so much time dedicated to these two, Saki feels like the odd one out. That's intentional, but it still felt just a little strange to see so little of her. Hopefully, that will be remedied next week because this show works best when all three of our lovable kids are together.

Rating:

Senpai is an Otokonoko is currently streaming on Crunchyroll.