Senpai is an Otokonoko

Episode 4

It made sense to focus on Makoto through the first three episodes. His personal conflicts are the most visible and immediate, and considering how many people I've seen sobbing at the end of episode three, front-loading his initial story was a perfect call. However, you can't base an entire show around two people blushing like crazy over Makoto's every move. That means it's prime time to start digging into our other two leads, even if neither Saki or Ryuji wants to be forthcoming about their own emotions.

However, I do want to stop in with Makoto first, as we see the fallout from, y'know, running out on his dance partner with her wig. In a surprisingly sweet turn of events, Makoto's social progress with his classmates doesn't suddenly reverse once he starts cross-dressing again. While it sucks that presenting masc was the icebreaker, that ice remains broken, and now more people are getting to know Makoto as his authentic self. That's just heartwarming, and I love the choice to finally render his classmate Hanekawa with visible eyes once Makoto realizes she accepts him. Much as I love our trio, it's always refreshing to see characters build relationships outside of the main character group, and that's especially true considering how isolated Makoto was at the start of the show.

Meanwhile, Ryuji is just about at the point of no return when it comes to admitting he's in love with Makoto. His conflict is almost entirely internal by design since he's nowhere near ready to actually talk about these feelings with anyone. However, it's still intriguing to see his thoughts on the matter. There's a level of internalized homophobia at work, with how he calls his attraction "gross" and firmly believes Makoto would be offended or end their friendship if he found out. We, the audience, know that Makoto would, at worst, be flustered and confused because he's never really considered dating anyone. Still, Ryuji is far from the first teenager to feel shame over perfectly healthy attraction. There's also the bit where he wishes Makoto were a "real" girl on the assumption that Makoto would be attracted to boys if AFAB. I don't bring that up to shame the character or the writing but to highlight just how poorly equipped Ryuji is to handle his feelings. If he can't even conceive of cisgender people being gay, he's got an uphill battle when it comes to accepting his own sexuality.

Then there's Saki—Hooooo boy. While the show has dropped hints before that there's more to Saki than the genki goblin energy she exudes, it's only at the end of this week that it starts to sink in. There are a lot of things you could interpret from how Saki describes her (lack of) reaction to romance (For instance, is she somewhere under the asexual and/or aromantic umbrellas?), but what's clear here is that whatever Saki's feelings are for Makoto, they don't match up to how she's been told love feels. Moreover, how she masks that dissonance by insisting to her grandmother that she's found her "special someone" is a direct parallel to Makoto hiding his cross-dressing from his mother. In the same way, Makoto feels pressured to present as masculine; Saki feels like she has to perform a certain kind of romantic attraction, which raises many questions about how she's acted so far.

I don't doubt that she cares for Makoto – you don't run down a garbage truck for somebody to maintain appearances – but this paints her constant enthusiasm for him in a different light. All the nosebleeds and gushing and gushing nosebleeds suddenly read as overcompensating, as if she's acting the way she thinks love-struck girls are supposed to, rather than how she feels. Whatever label you want to put on her feelings, they don't seem to conform to the traditional markers of romance that Saki's been told to expect, and that leaves her constantly putting on an act. That's a really strong twist to a character who seemed the most simple and straightforward of our trio, and it caps off an altogether solid episode for exploring these kids and their mixed emotions.

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Senpai is an Otokonoko is currently streaming on Crunchyroll.