Blue Gender DVD Boxset Winner - Dear Journal

October 8, 2003

Dear Journal,

I was diagnosed with AIDS two months ago. Since then I could not find the will power to write my journal entries until now. The discovery was completely shocking to me and my family. The doctors estimate I was infected 5 years ago. My wife, who is Elizabeth and girlfriend at the time, and I experimented with drugs. We were smoking away at a party until Elizabeth passed out from the combination of drugs and alcohol. One of our friends was shooting up heroine and asked if I wanted to try. I caved and agreed to test it out. Anything after that, I don't remember. I woke up with Elizabeth shaking me awake with the needle still stuck in my arm. That was the first and last time I ever used a needle, but it wasn't enough to scare me away from drugs. It was my girlfriend announcing she was pregnant.

After her announcement, we agreed to go into rehab. It was a hard struggle, but the will for our child not to turn out like us was empowering. Six months later my wife and I were clean and after two more months, we had a beautiful baby girl, Sharon. Life wasn't easy over the next few years, but they were happy times. I could never get a good job with my prior possession charges and only worked at places that cared more on how much I can lift than my past. I hated my jobs, but I came home to a lovely wife and cheerful baby. After three years, my symptoms began to surface. I began to become seriously sick once or twice a month. I went to see a doctor and that was when I got the bad news.

The first thing I did was hug Elizabeth and Sharon at tightly as I could with them crying in my arms. Elizabeth cried from fear while Sharon cried from confusion on not understanding what HIV and AIDS are. The doctor went down a list of treatments with some having very good results. I asked the doctor for the truth on what were the chances that they would work. He reported my immune system was far too deteriorated for the treatments to prove effective. I begged the doctor there had to be something, anything. I didn't want my child growing up without her father. He was a father and husband and felt my pain. He recommended cryogenics.

Here I am trying to determine what to do with my life. On one hand, I can go through the treatments in hoping to extend my life and watch my child grow. Sharon and Elizabeth in return would have watch my health decline and become more machine than man. Doctors would hook me up to respirators and iv drips. The diseases, my immune system would no longer be able to handle, will eat me alive. I don't want them to see me like that, but who am I kidding? It's me who doesn't want to suffer. I want to live, play with my grandchildren, and see what everyday will bring to me. I guess that's my answer. I want to be cryogenically frozen until a cure for AIDS can be found. I'm sorry Sharon. I'm sorry Elizabeth. I love you both so much. I guess I am just selfish in the end.

October 19, 2025

Dear Journal,

Thank you. Oh thank you. I have been frozen for more than 22 years, but to me it seems to have been a short dream with an excruciating wake up. My entire body felt like it walked through fire. It was the after effects of the cellular chemotherapy. The doctors told me a breakthrough happened with the development of the hemoglargoye. Its design was based off the hemoglobin in which it transported a gas called Californium Oxide. The hemoglargoyes are programmed to deliver the radioactive gas to the infected cells. My body is still recovering from the cellular chemotherapy, but all I could think about was how Elizabeth and Sharon are doing. Would they hate the husband and father who wasn't there or accept me back into their lives?

I wanted to see my wife and daughter so badly, but they weren't there are at my revival. Doctor Jakes informed me that family members are not informed about the patients until the cellular chemotherapy has been proven effective. They don't want to crush the family's hope since the procedure has caused death from radiation poisoning in 10% of its patients. The next best thing I could request was my journal and a pen. Jakes looked at me funny because pens haven't been used in 7 years since portable computer pads. I really never noticed they were using a pointer shaped as a pen when they were writing notes in my medical file. He wanted to put me back to sleep to allow my immune system to recover from the chemotherapy. I begged the doctor just for an hour and my journal. I've already slept for 22 years. Reluctantly, he gave them to me.

I am anticipating and fearing the reunion with my family. Elizabeth was quite supportive about my decision in the beginning but began doubting herself. She gradually began changing her mind when she and Sharon were tested negative for the HIV virus. The fear of infection was relinquished from her mind so Elizabeth began lashing out. She accused me of endangering her and our child. Our fights would only end with Sharon's crying. In the end, Elizabeth accepted my decision, but I blame myself for the fights. We both used drugs, but it was my choices in life. I have no one blame but myself. I can only hope Sharon can accept the man who was made from those decisions.

My greatest fear is meeting Sharon. I am probably only a ghost in her memories. She was only 4 when I was placed into cryogenic suspension. Sharon always had a twinkle in her eye for her father when I would come home from work. It would fill the other stars in the sky with jealousy. I can only help that twinkle hasn't dimmed with the passing of time. She was my hope for the future. I could be talking to the second female President of the United States for all I know. The nurse has given me my anesthesia for the night. I hope they will give me some information about my family tomorrow.
December 4, 2025
Journal,
I have always placed "Dear" in front of all of my journal entries even during my stoned ramblings as a teenager but not today or ever again. The day after I was revived from my cold sleep, a state government official came to visit me during my physical therapy, Morgan Sawyer. He was the representative of my estate after the passing of Elizabeth 12 years ago. The day I discovered I had AIDS was nothing compared to today. Mr. Sawyer gave me the history of Elizabeth's life following my departure from my family. It seemed that my wife began drinking again with 2 DUIs on her record from 2004 and 2005. In 2007, there were new laws that allowed Elizabeth to declare me legally dead and got remarried in the same year to a Hank Massey. There were several reports of noise disturbances from neighbors and 1 case of spousal abuse that was thrown out. Her life and Sharon's life became harder even after Elizabeth divorced Hank 9 months later.

In 2010, the government passed a law that made blood screening a requirement every 6 months. It seems that a new sexually transmitted disease called Hyatison was crossing the nation. Elizabeth was screened and found that she had AIDS. It seems that the HIV virus mutated in a way that made it undetectable with 2003 techniques. She had a nervous breakdown and tried to kill Sharon. Elizabeth never stopped condemning my mistake and wanted to lacerate me for her illness. She chose the piece of me that was still apart of her life, our daughter. Sharon was able to call the police, and they hauled my poor Elizabeth to jail. The next day the police found Elizabeth had hanged herself. When Mr. Sawyer told me, I cried. I cried not for Elizabeth, but for Sharon. I love Elizabeth, but I can not forgive her for leaving our daughter to fight HIV by herself.

The state became the guardian of Sharon for the next 5 years with no living relatives to look over her. No one would adopt her because she was tainted. Diseased. There was no money for her to receive much treatment. The government tried the best they could, but the cellular chemotherapy was years away before it would even be conceived. She was diagnosed with AIDS at the age of 17 and her health took a nose dive. I wished I was revived so I could give my daughter strength. I would have given her 13 years of love that would have made any disease think twice before infecting my child. She died in May of 2016. I hope she was looking at the stars for that night they were not filled with jealousy but were crying.

My wife and child died alone. There is a memorial site for them at the Winter Hill Cemetery. It's not even a cemetery. All human remains are cremated after they part from this world dictated by government law. I am going to visit the site on Tuesday and remain there. The doctors have been giving me medicine to help in my recovery, but I have only been saving them instead of taking them. I thought I was prepared to wake up 100 years in the future and continue to live. What is the point of living, if what you love is gone? That is the lesson I learned. This is the lesson I will take to the grave with me. Good-bye.