Astro Toy with Rob Bricken: Revoltech Queen's Blade Nanael

NANAEL
Series: Queen's Blade
Toyline: Revoltech
By: Kaiyodo
Cost: $32-40

WARNING: This toy is not safe for work. Pictures of this toy are not safe for work either. In fact, it's one of the naughtiest action figures I've ever seen, and I've seen dozens of naked Evangelion-girls-in-bondage figures. So feel free to skip this Astro Toy column. I wish I could have.

To those who have continued reading, you are very naughty. And if you're equally smart, you've correctly guessed that I'm talking about a Queen's Blade figure. Ah, Queen's Blade, bringing anime pornography to the Japanese mainstream! I'll spare you my rant about the series and its dire implications, but I will tell you that as depressingly perverted as the toy is, it's actually a really well made figure.

It's another Revoltech, but it's probably the best Revoltech I've reviewed so far on Astro Toy. Eager to cash in on the Queen's Blade gold rush, Kaiyodo has made pretty much the only real “action” figures of the series’ characters. Of course, there have been countless figurines and statues of the top-heavy ladies in various states of undress. But if you want a poseable Queen's Blade girl, you have to come to Kaiyodo.

If this figure of Nanael is any indication of the rest, you're getting a damn fine (if depressingly perverse) toy. Even clothed, Nanael isn't wearing much, but Kaiyodo's done a fantastic job masking its patented joints while allowing a great deal of articulation. I'll show you what I mean below (when we get to the naughty pics). For now, just know that Nanael's arms fall naturally from her shoulders without being visually glaring, and her thighs likewise have no obvious, ugly gaps. This is likely of no small importance to the Queen's Blade fan.

Having reviewed a PVC statue of Nanael for Astro Toy previously, I wondered how Kaiyodo was going to handle her floating sword, or, indeed, if they were even going to try. Nanael does come with two extra hands so she can hold her sword in one of ‘em, but they actually have another solution. Nanael's large wing is articulated with a ball-joint, which is to be expected, but there's another joint on the smaller, non-mobile wing, just tucked away. It took me forever to figure out what it was for.

Yep, the sword. You pry out the peg — which is unfortunately a total bitch to do — and you can insert it right into the sword's hilt, so it appears to be floating by her wing. It's a damned smart and well-executed idea, although it would be nice if it were a bit easier to handle.

Another accessory that is exceedingly well done is Nanael's bottle of “holy milk.” The bottle is attached the belt piece, and is sculpted so it appears empty. The “milk” is a separate, small peg that inserts into the bottom of the bottom, making it appear full. Again, really well done, and an impressive extra step from Kaiyodo — it would have been much cheaper just to have the bottle painted white to appear full. Alas, the bottle is the reason for her other “feature,” which fills me with loathing and sadness. Still, might as well get on with it.

Here is Nanael wearing her two main accessories — a ripped dress and ripped panties. Yes, this means the dress and panties she's been pictured with above are removable (you have to separate her chest, head and legs to get them on and off, but it's not that difficult). Yes, underneath she does have painted-on nipples, and, more tragically, a sculpted suggestion of a vagina. Why is this, you ask (besides the obvious reason)? Because her milk spills.

Or can spill. You're looking at a spilled milk accessory, which fits neatly into the top of Nanael's “milk” bottle. It's really well done. It even meets perfectly with the other milk piece, so there's no apparent “milk gap” in the bottle. Alas, you can't have a milk spill of that magnitude — apparently — without getting some on the toy.

I believe this is the world's first bukkake action figure. I refuse to do research on this, however. I mean, yes, it's theoretically “holy milk” covering Nanael, but COME ON. Let's not kid ourselves here. For the ultimate in bukkake action, Nanael comes with a separate “milk”-covered face, and “milk” sculpted onto her stomach and chest. This does mean that if you want a nude and bukkake-less Nanael figure, you're @#$% out of luck. Your options are milked or clothed, so sorry.

Of course, this is dangerously close to me praising the quality of the material on a Real Doll, so I'm just stopping there. Really, Nanael is a great action figure, both for a Revoltech and certainly for Queen's Blade fans. The gimmicks are done remarkably well, and the figure is excellently sculpted and very poseable. If you can get over the fact that the toy is basically sculpted to be covered in, er, “milk” — or, god forbid, are pleased by it — and this cannot be totally removed or forgotten then go for it.

Obviously not everyone minds their collectibles being “pre-loved.” I'll be back here, weeping openly that the best toy I've reviewed in months is also the filthiest.

Looking to pick one up for yourself? Here's some links!

ToysLogic: $32.18
Amazon: $33.95
Toylet: $32.29

You can read more of Rob Bricken's bitter, needlessly mean-spirited thoughts on toys and many non-anime subjects over at ToplessRobot.com (which is safe for work).

Thanks to Phillip Harrington for designing and creating the Astro Toy banner.