Shelf Life

Let the Wet One In

Let me preface this review by saying all anyone really needs to know in order to gauge where I'm coming from on this—the Dirty Pair TV series is the same age to me. So, suffice it to say, I don't hold any prior nostalgia for this show, and I certainly never watched it with my old anime club (back in my day, we watched Lost Universe, so I think we got the short end of the stick). That having been said, I think Dirty Pair is a fascinating slice of our historical anime pie, and I absolutely acknowledge and respect its place in the greater pantheon of old-timer classics. But you know, if you've seen a few episodes of Dirty Pair, you've seen them all.

Dirty Pair strikes me as a “pop in.” You know exactly the kind of show I'm talking about—the kind of show you just “pop in” when you're not really doing anything, and you're not in the mood to watch your three-month old Netflix rental of Schindler's List. You want something that will make you chuckle, maybe, or smile, but you don't want to invest a lot of energy into following the action. So you pop in Dirty Pair, and before you know it, you can let your eyes glaze over with the madcap adventures of Kei and Yuri, who 28 years later, are still some of the most bad-ass chicks to ever graze the medium.

That's the key, defining characteristic of Dirty Pair and what will forever (in my mind, anyway) make it worth partially watching at least once. The titular Dirty Pair are complete babes, and they could break any man's femur in half just by looking at it. Rambunctious Kei has poofy 80s hair, chats about going on dates and loving pro wrestling, while Yuri thinks of herself as a little more refined, and enjoys chatting up cultured men. They don't really give an F about what people think about them, and that's kind of hot and awesome. It's like this sweet spot where they own their femininity, but they're not completely defined by it, and they're sexy without oozing with it. You watch the show for them, because they are the show.

That, and, I mean, every episode is kind of just a variation on the same thing. Crazy stuff happens (a supercomputer goes haywiere, a dead guy launches some auto-murder program), the girls are dispatched, and they eventually save the day, leaving blocks upon blocks of collateral damage in their wake. The only difference is in the details, so it's kind of like going to a pizza place and getting different toppings. I guess in this analogy, the Lovely Angels (i.e. Kei and Yuri, i.e. “the Dirty Pair”) are maybe the cheese or something, because cheese-less pizza is ridiculous and wrong.

What I'm saying is, I like the idea of Dirty Pair a lot. I would pop it in if I had nothing else to do, and I wanted to be mindlessly entertained by super cool chicks. I maybe wouldn't go out of my way to marathon the show, but it's worth seeing at least a couple episodes once. I suspect that the most fun way to watch a show like Dirty Pair is with a group of friends, like the old anime club days, so if you can make that happen, you should.[TOP]

I've often wondered if Mysterious Girlfriend X would have been much better if the spit had simply been less viscous. Like maybe if you could still identify it as a liquid substance, but it wasn't gooey and drippy, like the kind of mayonnaise that you can buy in the squeezy-tubes, or honey from a jar. The viscosity of the saliva in Mysterious Girlfriend X is especially perturbing, because every time one of the kids sticks their nubby little fingers in someone's mouth, and pulls out a big, wet glob of drool, I can practically feel it in my own mouth. That's a big hurdle to get over when you're watching the show. It's not really something you can just turn away from either, because those long, silky spit strands (like Wrigley's gum stretched halfway between your shoe and the pavement) are a big component of the show.

Still, if you can somehow move past it, Mysterious Girlfriend X has its merits. Beyond this strange… spit thing is a show about awkward first love, the exploration of intimacy, and that first rude awakening that everyone gets when they first discover that a real relationship is nothing like what they've seen on TV shows or movies. When Akira asks mysterious girlfriend Mikoto for a picture of herself smiling, he's dumbfounded when she says no. When he tries to call her by her first name, he can barely get the words out.

But let me back up a little. The girlfriend in question is Mikoto, a weird girl in Akira's class who doesn't care all that much what others think of her. She carries scissors in her pants and she often erupts into random fits of laughter. She often falls asleep in class, too. One day, Akira sees this and can't help but notice a large puddle of glistening drool (like the quivering top of a chilled flan) under her mouth. Inexplicably, he sticks his finger in it and tastes it (like warm, unsalted congee). This is kind of the catalyst for one of the most bizarre relationships I've ever seen in an anime. The two end up dating, but rather than kissing, she allows him to eat her spit off his finger (like a carrot dipped in cheese fondue). Somehow, her emotional state is also transferred along with her saliva, though if it's really true, or if this whole show is one extended metaphor is never quite clarified.

Their relationship is a little more awkward than most, but then again, Mikoto is a little more strange than most (and definitely not your typical anime girlfriend). She cares, but she doesn't really show it, and you can't help but feel a little bad for Akira, who's totally out of his element. When I first watched Mysterious Girlfriend X, I absolutely loved the Japanese casting choice of newbie Ayako Yoshitani for Mikoto. She has a maturity in her voice that suits Mikoto to a T, and I don't think I'd be wrong in saying that the series would have been completely different if they'd given the character a higher pitched, girlier voice. The English choice for her is spot-on as well, and Genevieve Simmons (Horizon in the Middle of Nowhere) shines in the role. If it weren't for the unfortunate choice of Josh Grelle as Akira, who I think injects too much wobbly haplessness into the role, my preferred viewing method for this series would always be the dub.

I don't know that I'd actively recommend Mysterious Girlfriend X to too many people. I think the series is kind of interesting as an allegory for teenage sexuality and intimacy, but it's not always clear in its message, and some of the later female characters drive me up a wall. And yeah, it's hard for me to get past all the drool (like condensed milk, bubbling from a can). I tried to not get hung up on it, but it just kept making me a little sick.[TOP]