Shelf Life

Eye Spy

That said, I just can't bear to give this a Shelf Worthy. I've been on the fence about Hetalia for a while (Bamboo likes it, though), but by now I can safely say I don't like it. I agree with one of the dub actors, who says in a commentary track that Hetalia episodes are five minutes long because it's like a fried Twinkie at the state fair; you can only eat one per season.

Don't get me wrong, Hetalia contains elements of things that I like. I like that certain "WTF" factor anime often contains, and Hetalia is 60% "WTF". I enjoy the cross-cultural exchange and seeing my own country through some other country's point of view. I'm interested in history. I've been known to enjoy yaoi.

And yet… after the millionth joke about the Holy Roman Empire not realizing that Italy as a kid is actually a dude in a dress, or how Italy and Germany are BFF's and maybe something more… I start to feel like I've eaten a fried Twinkie at the state fair, which is to say kind of icky and filled with nauseous regret. (Just not enough regret to give this a Perishable, because I did laugh out loud several times.)

Maybe other people can watch this show in a vacuum without an awareness of the fan foofarah surrounding the franchise, but I saw the 780+ Hetalia fan circles in East Hall on day one of Comiket. This show is way bigger than Himaruya's webcomic.

Three different Japanese voice actors talk with the series director "Bob" Shirohata in a series of more-amusing-than-usual DVD extras. Bob is charming, and explains how he came to be called Bob despite being Japanese. They spend a lot of time hyping up season three and the movie. I don't know if I can eat any more Hetalia… [TOP]

It turns out The Third is worth watching, at least once, especially if you like science fiction. Unfortunately the show is tragically flawed, but if you can bear with it, it's well worth renting. In fact, if you run a library this is worth picking up; at the very least it's both thoughtful and unobjectionable.

On a post-apocalyptic desert-covered future Earth, regular humans live under the law of the Technos Taboo, unable to invent new technology on penalty of death or exile. This law is enforced by "The Third," a race of pale machine-psychic overlord elites who have the titular third eye in the middle of their foreheads. The humans are allowed to keep some fairly advanced tanks to caravan through the deserts, which are filled with giant insects and sandworms straight out of Dune. Meanwhile, whatever wars destroyed the planet have left behind some pretty nasty super-weapons floating in space that The Third try to keep tabs on.

Enter Honoka, a scrawny tomboy chick with a defective third eye who's handy with a sword. You can tell this is a series based on light novels because her character design is utterly dull. I think 90% of the reason I've never watched this show is because I'd look at art of Honoka in magazines and yawn. I don't mind that she's unglamorous, it even suits her character, but her clothes and hair are just so totally "meh".

But never mind that, the real problem with this show is the hideously cheesy voiceover. It's worse than the narration in the original cut of Blade Runner. The narrator needlessly dictates Honoka's thoughts and/or the situation at hand, and it's horribly distracting and unnecessary. I know it's hard to work background detail about an expansive sci-fi world into a show, but this narrator's expository dialog is cringe-worthy and utterly superfluous. Fortunately there's less narration as the show goes on.

The series unfolds in mini-arcs, some of which are pretty cool sci-fi stories. Honoka has to stop rogue AIs and nanotech-powered immortal vampire-like dudes. Honoka's sword skills are incredible, but she ends up using compassion and empathy to stop most of her foes. Eventually the series takes a hippy turn towards a freaky plot about a fairy and the planet crying. For a show with a badass swordswoman and so many cool weapons, it seems a little contradictory that the central theme is "make love, not war".

Not every story arc is a winner, and a handful of the episodes are drawn off-model. But when The Third is good, it's quite good. Honoka's tank is lovingly rendered in CG and the desert skies are beautiful at night. The dub is nicely done, it carefully matches the Japanese performances on a tonal level. Patrick Seitz sounds particularly sexy as Honoka's bishie employer Joganki.

This thinpak collection comes on six discs with as many extras as Right Stuf could cram on each one. The character bios are a little spoiler-y if you haven't watched the episodes first. There are seiyuu interviews and some half-assed music videos using clips from the series.

I wish this could've been a better show, but at least it's likeable. Sometimes you've gotta get your sci-fi hit wherever you can find it. If nothing else, a thinpak is a nice release for this series, since it's too mediocre to spend a ton of money on. Oddly enough, you can get the larger box for almost the same price as this set at the moment.[TOP]