JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Stardust Crusaders Egypt Arc

Episode 19

"Vanilla Ice isn't right in the head." Polnareff said it, not me. Still, Vanilla Ice is no laughing matter, especially because he's insane. The stand called Cream isn't the real "dark void." The real dark void is the hollow and unstoppable rage that fuels Ice's bloodlust. (Being turned into a vampire probably made that worse too.) He's not a human or superhuman combatant: he is like death itself. So despite a few crumbs of lightheartedness, the fight against Cream is twenty minutes of sheer terror for Polnareff, Iggy, and the audience, and it's not even over yet!

Like some horrid combination of Y.O.G.-Sothoth and the Tazmanian Devil, Cream swallows himself into a circle of nothing and tears apart Dio's fortress in whirling dervish form to destroy our heroes. The horror is intensified by Polnareff's inability to accept poor Avdol's death. He was zapped away so fast, but by some cruel trick of fate, he died the same way the second time as he did the first: protecting Polnareff. Weirdly, Polnareff snaps out of his regret-filled doldrums much quicker this time around, and I think there are three major reasons for this.

1) Unlike Hol Horse's childish taunting, the threat of death by Vanilla Ice's Cream is more immediately brown-pants-worthy. Polnareff's survival instinct is just a little stronger than his feelings of vengeance or grief.

2) Polnareff has not only suffered Avdol's death before, he's also made peace with it before, along with the death of his sister. Sure, he got Avdol back immediately afterward, but he went through the process and came out stronger regardless.

3) Polnareff has something to protect this time: a shitty little dog named Iggy that he's grown more and more attached to as the series went on.

All these factors combine to make this episode the most heart-squeezing in Stardust Crusaders' run so far. Every time Polnareff and Iggy come up with a solid team plan to take down Ice, they are foiled at the last second by his pure unholy tenacity. Appealing to his Dio-worship not only doesn't work, it gets Iggy kicked into a fuzzy pulp. (This is definitely a rough episode to watch for anyone sensitive to animal abuse.) Stabbing Ice through the brainstem not only doesn't work, it puts Polnareff in a too-close position, getting two of his fingers sheared off. (This is after he gets his toes zapped off but before he loses a chunk of his thigh.) Polnareff and Iggy aren't being foiled by arrogance or honest mistakes like in past battles; they just can't win against the abominable automaton that is Vanilla Ice.

As I mentioned before, the fight dips its toes into humor just enough to give us some relief, but even the jokes are gallows-bound. Polnareff's brain (as narrated by the narrator) is given three possible outcomes to Cream's inescapable coup de grace.

1) He will come up with a brilliant plan at the last second! (Nope, this is Polnareff we're talking about here.)

2) His friends will show up out of the blue to save him! (Nonsense! This isn't some comic book.)

3) He will die a horrible death! (Life is cruel.)

Over the grueling course of five minutes, Polnareff is forced to face the music. On that note, the music at the end of this episode is striking, uncharacteristic for JJBA in its style and instrumentation (soaring and weepy), but perfect for the moment as poor Iggy and The Fool struggle to pull themselves out of the dirt and protect the doomed Polnareff. "Stop it!" Polnareff protests, "I'm going to be the one to heroically save you! You have to warn the others! You have to stop Dio!" He gives his newfound puppy friend a sad little salute, as Cream's void swallows him in a deadly light...

Next week can't come soon enough, even if there's only more sadness on the way. No one said defeating Dio would be easy! It's just sad that so many beloved characters have to pay the ultimate price along the way.

Rating: A+

JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Stardust Crusaders Egypt Arc is currently streaming on Crunchyroll.

Hope has been an anime fan since childhood, and likes to chat about cartoons, pop culture, and visual novel dev on Twitter.